Top 5 Emasculated Men on (Recentish) TV

Virtually every TV show has one of these guys. You know the one. The butt of every joke, sexually invisible to all of the female characters, made to endure constant failure and ridicule. These are the most emasculated men of (recentish) TV.

Most of the entries contain some spoilers, which is why we have listed the name of the show at the top of each entry.

Honorable Mention: Ed Blomquist

Fargo, Season 2

Ed just wants to live a normal life in Minnesota with his wife Peggy. He wants the white picket fence, his own business (a butcher shop), and a bunch of miniature Ed and Peggys running around the house. Peggy, however, wants to be an independent woman who creates her own destiny. She loves Ed, but in her quest to be her own woman, Ed ends up cleaning up her messes. The biggest mess Peggy leaves involves vehicular manslaughter, leaving Ed no choice but to become an accomplice. After all, he lives by the “happy wife, happy life” motto and takes pride in the fact that he can provide for his family (despite the fact that Peggy is doing everything in her power to undercut his decisions and keep their “family” from becoming a reality). In the end, the closest thing he gets to vindication is the chance to tell Peggy that “maybe things won’t work out between us” as he slowly bleeds to death.

 


 

5. Rickety Cricket

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

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Cricket can not catch a break. In High School, both he and Dee Reynolds were constantly made fun of for wearing braces (Cricket on his legs and Dee on her back). It was during this time that Cricket fell in love with Dee, and his affection was met only with mockery, contempt, and manipulation. The young Dee promised to kiss him if he ate a horse turd, but then backed out on the bargain because his “breath smelled like shit.” Cricket’s life didn’t get much better after high school either. Although he initially put together a decent life for himself as a member of the clergy, he ultimately left the priesthood in pursuit of Dee (who scorned him again). He steadily spiraled down over the years, mostly in part to his connections with the Paddy’s Pub gang. Every time it seemed like Cricket was getting his life back on track, the gang interfered. He ended up becoming homeless, battling addiction, having his throat slashed, having his face covered in burns, getting hunted by Mac and Dennis (there might have been some tea bagging involved there) and more. Oh, and never getting a real chance with Dee, which is all he really wanted from the start.

 


4. Jerry (Garry) (Larry) (Terry) Gergich

Parks and Recreation

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“Jerry’s fault, Jerry fault!” is a rant that Jerry’s co-workers chant often. It can be applied to many of the situations that Jerry gets himself into in the world of Parks and Recreation. Jerry doesn’t try and get himself into trouble, but he just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The only people in Jerry’s life that seem to give him any kind of respect are his wife and two daughters. Everyone else can’t even remember his real name. On the outside, it seems like Jerry lives a below-average, kinda sad, suburban American life. And he does. But he doesn’t seem to mind it.

 


3. Wayne Unser

Sons of Anarchy

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Unser. Poor, poor Unser. Where do we even start? This guy just gets continually shit on throughout the seven seasons of Sons of Anarchy. As longtime watchers of the show,  we hoped Unser’s life would start to shape up. Maybe he’d leave the town of Charming and start a new life, or maybe he’d find an “old lady” of his own. No, that never happens. In fact, Unser’s life got worse and worse the longer the show ran. Not only was he running around doing menial errands for SAMCRO (on the basis that Gemma might one day give up her criminal life to be with him…) but he gots cancer, lived in a camper on SAMCRO property, was nearly murdered in said camper, ended up having to kill people to cover up the club’s secrets…all while watching the love of his life shack up with a new man.


2. Sam Healy

Orange is the New Black

Healy’s character on Orange is The New Black is just plain pathetic. As viewers, we don’t feel sorry for him and we don’t think we are supposed to.  Despite his overall depressing life choices and the false sense of power that makes him do and say say cringe-worthy things, he really isn’t a bad guy at heart. Healy is a guy who works at a women’s prison but seems to know very little about women and how to interact with them. Even his male (and female) co-workers have little to no respect for him. He is the office (or prison) joke. No one really seems to know why he’s still there, but what they do know is that he’s easy to manipulate. His (Russian mail-order) wife treats him like an ATM machine and refuses to speak English around him, knowing full well he does speak Russian. When Healy does try to learn Russian to get closer with his wife,  he inevitably ends up failing at that as well. At the prison, he tries to start a therapy group called “Safe Space”. Again, well-intentioned. However…no one shows up to his group and he is once again reminded of his many, many shortcomings as a man.

 


1. Jorah Mormont

Game of Thrones

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This dude is the definition of friendzone. His whole existence is centered around protecting Daenerys Targaryen, who, unsurprisingly, he’s fallen for. When Daenerys discovers that Mormont was originally a spy for the Baratheon family, she banishes him from her kingdom (you lie to a woman once and she never lets it go). Of course Jorah is heartbroken. However, he doesn’t just move on – no. Jorah spends the rest of his days trying to prove to Daenerys that he is worth her attention. In one of the last episodes, Jorah fights a huge man (too big for any sane person to fight) in front of Daenerys to show his worthyness. He thinks this is enough to get some time with Daenerys to…ya know…talk about how she should take him back. He’s wrong, and she sends him away again.

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